Exxon to Develop Next Generation Batteries

Houston, TX - Executives at Exxon Mobil Corp. announced today that company engineers have found a way to store electrical charges in a petroleum based gel. The discovery was made purely by accident, says [name here], lead engineer. "We were working on a method of breaking the carbon atoms down into smaller molecular structures, when one of the researches was zapped by a charge. At first, he thought it was static electricity, however it later turned out to be from a rudimentary energy store." Thomas Hill goes on to claim, "We believe that this will eventually pave the way for a pure electric car and not only eliminate our dependence on foreign oil, but also cut down on a significant amount of green house gases."

The elimination of green house gases does come with drawbacks however. In their place, an assortment of toxic gases are created when a current is drawn from the energy gel. "During initial lab tests, we have found that arsenic, formaldehyde and an assortment of other somewhat hazardous materials are expelled during this process; however we believe that it is a fair trade off. Keep in mind that these toxins will only harm you if they are ingested, otherwise they are fine."

In addition, researchers say that it currently requires the equivalent of 5 gallons of gasoline to produce a single energy cell. "We are developing a more efficient mechanism and we believe that we can eventually get that figure down to 4 gallons per cell." Each energy cell contains enough energy to power a compact sized car for roughly 20 miles.

Critics claim that it is not all that it's cracked up to be and state that it does not completely eliminate foreign oil from the picture. "If it is petroleum based, where does the petroleum come from? We will still need to import oil - and now we'll be importing more than ever. These so called energy cells are more like energy traps.", says Ken Darby. "Also, what about all of the toxic byproducts that this will create? Do we really want all of these chemicals on our roadways, our front yards and children's playgrounds? Who do they think they're trying to fool?" says Jonathon Butler of Greenpeace.

Executives at Exxon are claiming that this is a win-win for both its shareholders,the general public and the environment. "Any time a company can make genuine improvements like this and return value back to it's share holders is a good thing" says Exxon Mobil President, Neil Duffin.

 

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