Gun Control Coming to Video Games?

Sacramento, CA - Gun control fans are about to take a serious step into a new frontier by regulating the use of firearms within video games. Their goal, they say, is to help prevent virtual guns getting into the wrong hands online. “It’s a scary place inside video games. There is a lot of virtual violence and some incredibly powerful weapons that are would be illegal in most states, if not all. We intend to help eliminate that and bring order back to things.”

Many popular games, such as the Halo series and Modern Warfare, rely heavily on the use of such weapons. “It’s a core part of the experience,” says Jeffrey Browne, “They can’t take that away from us. The games will be boring and dumb if they do. What do the expect us to do, get into slap fights? I want my RPGs!” Others, such as Tyler Jones, fear that the use of such arms hurts the gaming industry. I was totally creaming this dude, and then he rocket jumped away and then fragged me. I was like ‘that is so unfair, man, you can’t do that in real life without getting creamed’. I totally would have had him if it weren’t for that move.”

As expected, gun rights activists are up in arms. “This is going too far“, exclaims Bill Waterspoon. “These nut jobs are trying to ruin America with these crazy antics.” Not true, says gun reformer Sara A. (her last name was withheld due to her her fear of being ridiculed and targeted, “Guns in video games only encourage people to use them in real life. They’re gateway guns. At the very least, there should be a waiting period before a weapon is unlocked and made available for play. There should also be an age limit and a special permit as well.”

 

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